I’ve Been Taking Life Too Seriously
I got up early this morning to study for a job interview.
I have a routine when it comes to interviews: I make sure to do my research, review the job description and relate my skills to the job duties.
Somehow, I still manage to feel under-prepared. What if they ask a question I didn’t prepare for? What if I forget about a crucial skill I have and never get another chance to let them know about it?
I cling so much to the idea of getting the job, that I forget most of these things I worry about are beyond my control.
I also feel anxious, and generally unpleasant about the whole deal. I feel afraid that I won’t be able to show them my best self, that i’ll just screw it all up and waste an opportunity.
The time to leave was growing near, and after i’d been pacing around for a few minutes and reapplied my deodorant several times, I had a moment of clarity.
Shouldn’t this be fun?
Why aren’t I psyched to meet new people, learn about an organization and see if we can make a connection?
Regardless of whether or not I get the job, this interview is a moment in my life. It’s a chance to experience something new and exciting.
I can’t control how my interviewer perceives me, or if she decides to hire me. I prepared as much as humanly possible, short of breaking into the office and having a look around.
So why not have some damn fun with this? Why am I taking my life so seriously?
I’m not sure when or why it started, but I think I’ve been too serious for a while now. Probably since I decided I was definitely going to be a writer, and that I wouldn’t let fear hold me back anymore.
I went through years of avoiding expressing my creativity, causing a cycle of depression and anxiety. Now that I’ve finally broken that cycle, I think i’m terrified if I loosen up, i’ll go back to my old habits of inaction.
But I’ve gone a bit too far–now everything is too dire–its all a matter of life or death. Succeed, or lose everything.
I’ve forgotten the most important part of success: the journey there.
It’s not even the more important part, it is the part. It’s everything, and it never stops. There is no magical end moment, when I’ll reach the top level of success. There will always be more moments, more experiences, more for me to do.
So why not let go, and truly enjoy each moment of my journey?
As I left the house, the fall wind whipped my hair back. The air was crisp, the leaves were bright against the blue sky.
I felt my heels clack against the pavement. I took deep breaths. I connected with each person I met. I looked into their eyes. I opened up and listened.
I let go of the need to prove myself.
I don’t get the job, I’ll still have peace. I did my best, and more importantly, I enjoyed the experience.
Isn’t that what life should be about?
Do you ever forget to have fun in life? Tell me about it in the comments!
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